How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
