it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
