did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As shirtless as possible
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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