I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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