She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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