you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
