How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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