On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
