They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
