That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
