am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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