O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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