Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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