What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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