I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
