We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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