I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
