you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
