I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
