you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
