Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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