hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
