And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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