Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
