nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
