Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
