somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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