i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have feelings that need drinking.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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