There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
