Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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