This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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