so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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