I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
