I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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