He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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