you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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