high people should be assigned attendants
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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