I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
