The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
