I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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