Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
