i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
