A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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