i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
