my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
