Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
