So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
