it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
