I can tuck mytits in my pants
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize