i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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