thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
