To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
