This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
