he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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