can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just google imaged poop.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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