sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize