i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
