Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
