i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize