my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
