Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
