i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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