Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
