My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Banned from zoo.
Again?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
