the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
