two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
