So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just shotgunned beers for America
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
