I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
