then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
