So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
