I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
