Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
