and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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